Almost forty and when you look behind and you ask yourself: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG?
Yes, that is a question that a lot of us should ask at a certain age. For me, that question appeared now, when I am almost 40. Looking behind I somehow pleased about my life, minus my family life!
Why that? I asked that question a lot. But now, I asked with the hope I will finally get the right answer. It’s a lot to write about, there are a lot of years to tell about in this story. Somehow, somewhere … I don’t know when, my private life took a wrong turn and I didn’t see the sign. Yeah, there are a lot of signs on the way to your forty … or more … the problem is you can’t see them all. Yeah that shouldn’t be a problem if you see the right ones, cause if you don’t, you land where I am … asking this fucking hard question: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG!
I’ve seen a lot of families go wrong along at my age, and I tried so hard to learn from that, to try not to fuck it up like they did. Do you think I succeeded? I think I will let you decide, if you will be interested in reading my fucked up life.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG! in my life?
Let me tell you first something about myself. My mother gave birth to me, in a small town from Romania, near to the North East border of Romania, the border with former USSR. Yeah … that shit … I came on the world in a fucking shithole. A country with 2 hours of TV a day, a country where in winter you had to have extra blankets not to freeze over night in the apartments, where your future was already planed and you had no choice to go around that plan. That happened in the year 1981 in May.
Went to school, learned photography along school, I liked it cause of my father, who had a camera in that time, a nice Chinese one with black and white film. For that times, and for my age back than it was the dream. As I told you before only 2 hours on TV, so we had a lot of time during the day.
Well, at first everything was going as planned, but then came the revolution from ’89, an event that changed the fucking plan of my life. You know, go to school, get in the army, go to work, get an apartment from our generous state, get married and have some kids and later retirement with a small pension, just enough to live, you know, that kind of plan.
I was almost 10 when the revolution came and everything changed. We got more TV started to “see the world” through the small black and white screen – we got our first color TV a few months later.
And with the new “education” option I tried to learn about the world. I told you before, my life was planned already by the almighty state of Socialist Romania. Why this option? Cause my parents where caught on the wrong foot and didn’t know to do with the freedom they got. But this will be mode detailed in the story.
So my life started somehow planned and somewhere the plan broke down, I had to learn new things, and some of them where about love. Yes the great LOVE. Yeah boys and girls, not only girls get to suffer because of this confuse sentiment. Man at 40 get to suffer as well … and that is because, the first relations are pretty short … from a few months to a year, maybe a little more.
But when you are 40, the relations get longer, some kids come along that road as well, and that means a lot more than only that tricky sentiment of LOVE.
I fucked up, and I fucked up BIG TIME when I was sure I found the perfect woman and that I could live forever with her.what the fuck did I do wrong?
And … it happened … somehow, after a second long relation, six years long, when I thought everything is going swell, she left. No warning nothing. Just left without a word.
SO … what the fuck did I do wrong?
To be continued….